I wanna passion pit in your ass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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