I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
