Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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