About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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