I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
