Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
