When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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