Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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