Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
try to milk me bitch
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
