I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
