I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
