did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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