She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
