so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
did you just send me my own nude
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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