just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
