Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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