I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
