Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
