bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
