Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
