he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
FUCK WHALES
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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