I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
