smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
