elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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