I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
