My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
