after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
false alarm, still single
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
