were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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