nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
