My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
