She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
