are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
