Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
3pm strippers are depressing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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