It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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