Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
