dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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