Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your cock deserves a montage
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
