I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
