i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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