not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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