Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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