Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
