I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
