Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
