I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
