bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
