I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
