So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
