You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
