and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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