Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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