im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
