Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
